In the comic strip, Patty and Nathan’s kids are all quite close in age, about 2 years apart, which seems to be the case with most families we know. However in reality our kids are all 4 years apart, and I like to joke that they’re my “Olympic” babies. Being a huge football (soccer) fan I actually prefer to say “World Cup” babies because the World Cup happens also famously every 4 years, but in North America most people don’t understand that reference, so Olympic it is. Besides, due to all the various ages and interests I could probably WIN the Olympic medal for “multi-tasking”.
When my good friend Amanda introduces me to somebody, she gets a kick out of asking how old our youngest (Mia) is these days and then rattling off my other kids’ ages based on knowing the 4 year age gap. She’s one of the ones who had her three kids in quick succession. Another friend, Alexia, whom I’ve known since Nicholas was a baby, had three kids IN BETWEEN Nicholas and Michael. I mean, for everyone who shakes their head at us having 4 children, I take my hat off to all you brave souls who have had them very close in age.
There are advantages and disadvantages to the age gap. The best part about it is we are able to enjoy all the stages of each individual child. There is a lot of one-on-one attention on whoever happens to be youngest because the older ones are in school, so Daniel and I have done many breakfasts in restaurants where it always looks like we just have the baby. We glance in sympathy at a table where some poor mother is trying to talk to her friend over coffee while her 3 children under five years of age are banging spoons, spilling food or running around and while we give her smiles of understanding she looks longingly at the simplicity of us having a quiet breakfast with one child. If only she knew the chaos at our dinner table that night probably exceeds hers!
Another advantage is there is far less sibling rivalry or competition taken too much to heart than if they had all been closer in age. Michael, in his first year of high school, is much less likely to feel his artwork doesn’t measure up to his older brother who is graduating high school. Alec, 8, still tries to keep up with Michael (12) in sports but isn’t discouraged if he always loses because there isn’t shame in losing to someone so much older. In fact, some might say a little more competition would be good for them but I think it’s perfect the way it is.
The disadvantages are more obvious – not being able to do everything together as a family. For years Daniel took the older ones skiing or I took them to the cinema while the other stayed home with the baby. And yet now that Mia is 4, is learning to ski and has seen her first film in the theatre (“The Princess and the Frog”), Nicholas is too old for the local bunny hill or kids’ films. Finding a DVD for family night viewing is pretty challenging and I can’t blame Nicholas for preferring to go to a friend’s house instead while we watch “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” (brilliant, by the way, almost David Lynch-like in its bizarre imagery).
Another disadvantage is just how long we stay at the different stages. I have been dealing with poo for 17 years. I will be going through teenage hormones for the same amount of time. We will have sent the kids to the same primary school for almost two decades by the time Mia graduates. It seems that just as one child gets over a challenging stage, another child enters it before we’ve even had the chance to breathe a sigh of relief.
Yet while this is a disadvantage, at the same time it’s the opposite. I watch Mia playing outside, smelling flowers and making mudpies and just spending hours examining bugs, and i appreciate that pure innocence even more now, almost as if I were a grandparent seeing it all through more experienced eyes, knowing it doesn’t last forever.
